I pick him up and we go to the back of the church. Usually, when he gets a different view of everyone, he forgets about his imaginary digestive issues. At this point, we're at the part where we're all kneeling and it's really quiet.
Quiet + Kid2 = bad
Kid 2 pulls open my shirt, looks down and says:
A) "You have boobies, daddy."
B) "Where's your penis?"
C) "I HAVE TO GO POOP!!!!"
If you chose "B", you would be correct! I'm pretty sure that no one heard it save for my wife and a couple of ushers. What was my immediate response? I laughed my ass off, of course. Seeing this Kid 2 smiles and repeats his question. Before he finishes, we're out of the church and almost to our car.
Oh, and he was just getting warmed up.
After church, we go to the grocery store to get some lunch. He and I are battling. He just does not want to get into the grocery cart. Under my breath, I say, "Kid 2, you're being an ass."
"I'M NOT BEING AN ASS, DADDY! YOU'RE BEING AN ASS!!!"
I'm laughing all the way to where my wife and Kid 1 are shopping.
Wife: "What's so funny?"
Kid 2: "DADDY'S BEING AN ASS!!"
Awesome times 2.
So, in the span of about 2 hours, my son got what he wanted: attention and 2 good laughs from his dad.
Proudest. Dad. Ever.